Best friend ka ba ng best friend mo?

Break ups are devastating.

Unrequited love is, I think, even more.

Ano pa ba pwedeng lumevel dito? Sa palagay ko, pag ang tinuturing mong best friend, hindi ikaw ang best friend.

Naisip mo na ba yun? O nangyari na ba sa yo?

May best friend ako. We met in our freshman year at the University of the Philippines Diliman. She was so disciplined, so soft-spoken, so serious in her student responsibilities, so nice. I was the total opposite. I was a whack, carefree, loud in my own way, and was enjoying the newly found freedom too much, I never really cared about grades or the future. But we clicked.

She would always reprimand me about the simplest things. I just let it out the other ear. We shared dirty ice cream on buns at night outside Sampaguita Residence Hall. Feasted on green mangoes with bagoong on some days. Sit on the grass reading and me suddenly getting overly excited upon seeing Jessica Zafra walk by. She shifted course while I stuck it out as an English major, but we remained inseparable. She had her set of friends, I had mine, but at the end of the day, we still spent time with each other. She was my best friend. She saw me through the rough college days. And even more in the darkest moment of my life after college. She brought me to my maternity check-ups, cooked me meals while taking care of me during those times, was one of the first visitors at the hospital when I gave birth. But because she’s so nice, she is also everyone’s best friend.

We call ourselves “soul sisters.” She’s now married with a lovely boy. But through the years, the communication just got lesser and lesser. Before, we pride ourselves for being away for the longest time but when we see each other, nothing seemed to have changed.

Now, I text her a “happy mother’s day” with how are you’s and all. All I get is a plain thank you a few days after. I attempt to make “chika” but gets no answer.

Maybe I am not my best friend’s best friend. And it’s heart breaking.

Ikaw, best friend ka ba ng best friend mo?